Sunday, November 19, 2006

We accepted an offer for the house. So I'll be moving to LA in the next few weeks. I'm going, probably tomorrow, to find an apartment near my son's day care. (Also near where my wife tells me she's planning to move, again -- this would be her 8th residence in 7 months.)
I'm sure this is the right thing to do: simplify my life, be near my son, and let go of the broken dreams and painful memories (not to mention financial burden) of this house. It breaks my heart, though, and it gives me a feeling of failure.
It scares me, too. This feels like a "reverse geographic." All my resources for sobriety are here. I've just started going to a church where I feel a strong sense of belonging. Now I'm pulling everything up, and going to a new, unfamiliar town where I don't know anyone. I'm afraid it will be too much for me, and I won't stay sober.
Which is, of course, pretty silly: "Without help it is too much for us." My life is ALREADY more than I can handle, and has been for a very long time. Changing my location and my circumstances won't change that a bit.
My deeper fear, really, is that I will fail at what is motivating me to make this big move and big change: to be the best father I can be to my son. I'm moving so I can be with him and part of his day-to-day life. But I question my ability and willingness to do that, and to be a positive influence on him. My entire life is marked by isolation, irresponsibility, selfishness, laziness and giving up. These are not exactly the tools Ward Cleaver used as a father...
Even as I write these words and express these fears, I recognize that the answers are not hard to see. First, I need to stay sober today. (And tomorrow and the next day, but those are worries for tomorrow and the next day.) I need to find and attend meetings, lots of them, take commitments at them, and embed myself in the life of the fellowship in my new community. I need to find a church home, in the same way. I need to find a job.
Above all, I have to work the steps and apply them in all my affairs. I'm working my fourth step right now -- which is, of course, a real monster. My third step is hardly secure -- if it were, I would not be fearful of the changes I'm making in my life, or of my responsibilities to my son. I would, instead, embrace them with optimism and joy.
It's all a bit overwhelming. Especially since I feel insecure in my sobriety, impatient to "finish" my recovery, and I continue to fall into the insane idea that I have to handle and solve everything on my own with only my own resources. Sheesh... sometimes I feel like I've made no progress at all.
"Do not be discouraged. No one among us has been able to maintain anything like perfect adherence to these principles. We are not saints. The point is, that we are willing to grow along spiritual lines... We claim spiritual progress rather than spiritual perfection."
Willing to grow. Progress. Do not be discouraged.
I think maybe I'll go spend a few minutes reading, meditating and praying... :)

Sunday, September 10, 2006

With liberty, and justice... ... and wireless internet for all.
This, I think, would make Mike Rubino relocate, given his recent posts on the topic.
Meanwhile, it's getting me all sniffly and nostalgic seeing the school year at SHU begin without me for the second time. Boy am I old. But don't get me wrong... I am very very happy to not have any more research papers or fire drills. I am also happy that to do laundry, I don't have to walk across the lawn and down two flights of stairs into a dank basement. Being away has it's obvious perks. So while I do miss the atmosphere, and the newly-purchased pens (I would say newly-sharpened pencils, but I don't use pencils, and if I do, they're mechanical), my time has passed. I'll experience the hill through the blogs of others, and through homecoming. And I still don't know what SHU has planned for that at all... no schedule to be found anywhere. But that's a whole other story.
Now that I'm babbling, I'll say tata and get back to reading my book.

Sunday, March 12, 2006

Glimmer of hope - Policy - Kingdom
Last 12 February, during pre-election Champagne debates, we could hear in the Champagne gargote remarks carrying hope. Hope of peace, finally?

Us can to be proud, us Artesian, because this germ of hope us it must with one as of ours, and not least, since it acts of the Count Elleurc, who proposed, in these terms:

... Je benefits from the moment, I seek emissary Champagne to establish a beginning of situation of peace between our two counties...

A first answer came from Ricoh94:
Count Elleurc I take good note of your proposal, I will hold account of it at the proper time, if as well is as I would be elected Duc obviously...

Followed from one second emanating of Coconoel25, adversary of the precedent to the ducal elections:
Even thing on the Renaissance side in more one will sign with certain of other as the Limousin which is large to combine has Artois and with good D’different counties. To have finally a peace in the kingdom

The ducal elections are finished, and here the list of the future members of the Champagne Council, precision being made however, that per hour when we print, the Champagne Duke was not designated yet:

1: Ricoh94 (LEAVE)
2: SanAntonio (LEAVE)
3: Alsbo.le.GRand (LEAVE)
4: Boulius (LEAVE)
5: Amarie (LEAVE)
6: Nordquay (LEAVE)
7: Matt (LEAVE)
8: Tomazek (LEAVE)
9: Moile (RC)
10: Wilus (RC)
11: Myrmidon (RC)
12: Stephy26 (RC)

There is extremely to bet however that the future Champagne Duke is Ricoh94.
If such is the case, hope that its words were sincere and not the reflection of a desire to like voters.

Then, is a peace finally possible between Artois and Champagne?

P.A. - an anonymous provost
I seek the soul mate to realize a piece of way with it... I love the women nice, funny, attentive and romantic...

If you are fair, in strong chest, you also interest me...

Contact the Anonymous Provost

(Such east took which believed to take!!)